God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Maybe I have been reciting it for the last few years. Never did I think I would find myself in such a low state since I always saw myself as a pretty strong person. I guess month after month of being faced with disappointment, one might finally break down and succumb to the sadness that fills their soul.
I know there are many people out there that have been where I'm at right now. But knowing things MIGHT get better, does not always make it easier. It's trying to find happiness in the current moment that makes it possible to move forward. Plus knowing how far you have come, makes it harder to turn back and give up now. I'm not giving up, atleast I can't at this point. I saw a quote the other day that said, "It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want." That's why I can't quit.
For 4 years we have been trying to pregnant. One month we were successful, only to have it taken from us just a few short weeks later. It was devastating, but sort of made us hopeful. More months passed. Each filled with endless doctor's appointments, medications, ultrasounds, pregnancy tests, procedures and tears. Tomorrow we take the next step that I sort of knew would come one day. I'm going back into surgery to see if the endometriosis they discovered 6 years ago has returned, thus causing my struggle with fertility. The doctor will actually be doing two procedures so he can get an idea of what is going on from different perspectives. One is the laparoscopy (which I had done in 2005), the other is a hysteroscopy. Both are very routine so I'm not too concerned about the procedures or the 2-3 days of recovery. We are anxious to see what he finds and praying it's positive news.
I told myself I would never use this blog to post any negative experiences, but I also created this blog to share with our friends and family what was going on our lives. This 4+ year struggle is part of our life so it seemed right to put it out there, in writing, for all to see. And in a way, it almost feels therapeutic.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Maybe I have been reciting it for the last few years. Never did I think I would find myself in such a low state since I always saw myself as a pretty strong person. I guess month after month of being faced with disappointment, one might finally break down and succumb to the sadness that fills their soul.
I know there are many people out there that have been where I'm at right now. But knowing things MIGHT get better, does not always make it easier. It's trying to find happiness in the current moment that makes it possible to move forward. Plus knowing how far you have come, makes it harder to turn back and give up now. I'm not giving up, atleast I can't at this point. I saw a quote the other day that said, "It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want." That's why I can't quit.
For 4 years we have been trying to pregnant. One month we were successful, only to have it taken from us just a few short weeks later. It was devastating, but sort of made us hopeful. More months passed. Each filled with endless doctor's appointments, medications, ultrasounds, pregnancy tests, procedures and tears. Tomorrow we take the next step that I sort of knew would come one day. I'm going back into surgery to see if the endometriosis they discovered 6 years ago has returned, thus causing my struggle with fertility. The doctor will actually be doing two procedures so he can get an idea of what is going on from different perspectives. One is the laparoscopy (which I had done in 2005), the other is a hysteroscopy. Both are very routine so I'm not too concerned about the procedures or the 2-3 days of recovery. We are anxious to see what he finds and praying it's positive news.
I told myself I would never use this blog to post any negative experiences, but I also created this blog to share with our friends and family what was going on our lives. This 4+ year struggle is part of our life so it seemed right to put it out there, in writing, for all to see. And in a way, it almost feels therapeutic.
1 comment:
Kim, I have been prayer for you guys the past few months and I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you but I don't. Just know that God has a wonderful plan set up for you, even if it's hard to understand what it is at this very moment. He IS there holding your hand through it!
Kristin
Post a Comment