Never Forget

This past week I got to spend a couple of days in my home away from home, College Station.  My trip down there came at a somewhat inconvenient time emotionally, but being back in that town reminded me of a time in my life when things just seemed easier.  When the only thoughts on my mind were class, soccer and when/where we were going out.  It was nice to see how much the city has changed and reminisce for a short while.  I realized it has been 10 years since I lived in College Station and couldn't believe how far I have come and how far I still have to go in life.

During my sophomore year, tragedy struck when bonfire collapsed killing 12 of our fellow Aggies.  One of those Aggies happened to be my good friend, Mike.  I had visited the Bonfire Memorial a few years ago after it was completed, but decided to go back while I was there this past week to take some photos.  It was Thursday morning so classes were in full swing, but I was surprised how peaceful it was at the site.  This past November marked 12 years since the collapse.  For those of us that witnessed the tragedy firsthand, and others that experienced it, we will never forget.

Here is a quick explanation of the memorial.  When you first enter, the "Last Corps Trip" is carved in stone on this massive wall.  This poem was read before the burning of every bonfire.  As you continue down the path, there are a series of granite blocks that represent the history of bonfire.  Notches are cut along the length of the granite to represent every year the bonfire was burned.  There is a large cutout for 1963, when the bonfire was disassembled, log by log, after the assassination of JFK.  The main site has 12 portals or doorways that represent each person killed during the collapse.  These doorways open towards each person's hometown.  In the center is a marker where centerpole once stood.

Bonfire Memorial

Centerpole

Centerpole with Mike's Memorial in background

Mike's Memorial

My Latest Client

My nephew, Aaron!  He is going to be in a movie this weekend so my brother and sister-in-law asked if I would take some head shots for him.  The producers and other prospective companies have asked for them and he will probably be listed on the International Movie Database so they needed a photo for his profile.

I have never taken head shots before so I admit I was alittle nervous.  After taking over 150+ pictures, a few of them turned out fairly decent (I think).  It's a good start anyway.  I am currently serving as his agent (Aaron and I shook on a 50/50 split) although his parents are trying to drop my percentage down quite a bit!  :)  With lots of direction and a few jokes, here is the final product:

 (My favorite!)

After boring him for about 45 minutes, he wanted to take some pictures together so I set up the remote.  One of my goals for this year was to learn more about photoshop and start playing around with it more.  I can do quite a few things but there is so much I have to learn.  I decided to experiment with my latest discoveries (photo actions) on the photos we took together.

I had a great time hanging out with my "booger" for a few hours yesterday.  We could not have asked for a more perfect weather day!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Shane, Kim, Aspen, Buckley and Riley

November Photo Recap

I got the opportunity to take some pictures for a couple of friends this past November.  I had a few other shoots scheduled, but the weather did not want to cooperate with us.  We decided to try again in the spring.  Here are two of the sessions.

The Watson's

I have known the Watson family for about 6 years.  Amanda and I worked together for about a year and her husband, Chris, is also in the field of Parks & Recreation.  They are so much fun to be around!  Samantha loved the camera and made taking her picture way too easy!  Max waited until the last few shots to finally give us a smile.  Better late than never!

  

 

Kayden

This was a last minute shoot of my friend's nephew.  Her future mother-in-law and sister-in-law wanted to surprise Kayden's mom with some photos for Christmas.  They arranged to "babysit" him for a couple of hours so we had to move quickly.  Despite not wanting to smile or cooperate too much, he was super sweet and let me follow him around for about an hour.  

(What photographer isn't complete without a logo?)  :)

Serenity, now

For those of you Seinfeld fanatics, this is not a prelude to one of the greatest episodes in the Seinfeld series.  This is my prayer right now.  Although I have never been part of a 12 step program, I have found myself constantly reciting the Serenity Prayer over the last few weeks:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.
Amen.

- Reinhold Niebuhr

Maybe I have been reciting it for the last few years.  Never did I think I would find myself in such a low state since I always saw myself as a pretty strong person.  I guess month after month of being faced with disappointment, one might finally break down and succumb to the sadness that fills their soul.

I know there are many people out there that have been where I'm at right now.  But knowing things MIGHT get better, does not always make it easier.  It's trying to find happiness in the current moment that makes it possible to move forward.  Plus knowing how far you have come, makes it harder to turn back and give up now.  I'm not giving up, atleast I can't at this point.  I saw a quote the other day that said, "It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want."  That's why I can't quit.

For 4 years we have been trying to pregnant.  One month we were successful, only to have it taken from us just a few short weeks later.  It was devastating, but sort of made us hopeful.  More months passed.  Each filled with endless doctor's appointments, medications, ultrasounds, pregnancy tests, procedures and tears.  Tomorrow we take the next step that I sort of knew would come one day.  I'm going back into surgery to see if the endometriosis they discovered 6 years ago has returned, thus causing my struggle with fertility.  The doctor will actually be doing two procedures so he can get an idea of what is going on from different perspectives.  One is the laparoscopy (which I had done in 2005), the other is a hysteroscopy.  Both are very routine so I'm not too concerned about the procedures or the 2-3 days of recovery.  We are anxious to see what he finds and praying it's positive news.

I told myself I would never use this blog to post any negative experiences, but I also created this blog to share with our friends and family what was going on our lives.  This 4+ year struggle is part of our life so it seemed right to put it out there, in writing, for all to see.  And in a way, it almost feels therapeutic.

30 days and counting...

Did you see that?  There are only 30 days until Christmas.  I can't believe December is almost upon us and 2012 is staring us in the face.  Normally I won't decorate for Christmas until December.  I have issues with putting up Christmas decorations when we aren't even within the holiday month.  After moving into our new home last year, I had to change the way I decorated since we had so much more livable space that needed to look festive.  Due to my OCD, I limit what I put up because I am not one for clutter.  Not to mention I have to get it all up in one day and be able to take it all down in one day as well or I get overwhelming anxiety.  It truly is a curse.

When I bought my house in 2004, I went to Garden Ridge on Thanksgiving day and bought me a cute little, prelit 6 foot tall tree.  Last year we learned that our cute little tree looked rather pathetic in our new home.  After a failed attempt to purchase a new tree last year, we decided to go out when the first sale was announced this fall and get a prelit 9 foot tree.  When I started putting the tree together yesterday, I realized our eyes may have been bigger than our front room.  Once I got it up and decorated, I fell in love with it.

Last year I bought some wreaths to hang in our back living room windows and a few new things for the mantle.  This year I found Texas A&M and Texas Tech mini trees that I couldn't pass up (plus they were half price at Hobby Lobby). 

Gig'em Aggies!                    Go Raiders!  

             

The outside of our house is very sad.  With the tall roof and limited amount of bushes, we have not figured out a way to add lights to the outside.  We did buy two small outdoor lighted trees to place on either side of our walkway but determined they look very sad all by themselves when we were driving by our house last night.  It is a work in progress so I'm sure we'll figure something out and hit up the stores after Christmas to get more decor on sale.

Only 31 days until all of this stuff comes down!  :)

Gobble, Gobble

This Thanksgiving was great!  Despite a few rough times this past year, we have so much to be thankful for and enjoyed spending the day with our families.  For the second year in a row, we played host to Shane's parents, his grandmother, my parents, my brother's family, my grandparents and great aunt.  It was a full house but we wouldn't have it any other way.

Shane fried a couple of turkeys that morning and the rest of us contributed plenty of dishes to the rest of the feast.  Dessert was well represented as well with over 6 different options.  All in all, it was a great day (despite a loss by my Aggies in the last showdown between T.U. and Texas A&M).

Dad doing what he does best

(ignore his poor choice in apron attire) 

The kid's table is still the coolest table

The man I am most thankful to have in my life!

My German Twins

(my great aunt and grandmother)

My 95 year old grandfather

One of the most amazing men I know

Classic James Family photo